The Christian Family Pt. 3: The Duties of Wives (1 Peter 3:1-7)

Text: 1 Peter 3:1-7
Title: The Christian Family Pt. 3: The Duties of Wives
Date: February 19th, 2023
Location: Christ Covenant Church – Centralia, Washington

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; ² While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. ³ Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; ⁴ But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. ⁵ For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: ⁶ Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. ⁷ Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Prayer

Father we thank you for the gift of marriage, we thank you for the different roles you have assigned to us as husbands and wives, as men and women. We ask that you would make us both to be obedient to Your Word, in every detail, that we might proclaim to the world the glorious mystery of Christ’s love for the church. We ask for Your Spirit in Jesus name, Amen.

Introduction

Well last week we saw that it is the chief duty of a husband to love his wife like Christ loves the church. And that just as Christ is the head and therefore responsible for the body, so also the husband is the head and therefore responsible for his wife.

• This authority of headship is to be embraced and wielded for the good of the woman. True headship wears a crown of thorns and it effects salvation for the body.
• One of the ways you can find out if you are doing this well is by simply asking your wife, “How is your soul? How is your body? Do you feel nourished in the Lord?” “Do you feel cherished and important to me?”
  • The goal for a husband is to hear his wife speak as the woman does in Song of Solomon 1:2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: For thy love is better than wine.”
  • That is the voice of the church to Christ, and those are the words that we want to proceed honestly from the mouth of our wife. And that is a very high bar.
  • So the chief duty of a husband is love, this is what God commands of us.
• And this morning we turn now to look at the duties of wives: What does God command of the woman in marriage?
  • Some might think this is a rather unnecessary sermon, isn’t her job just to love her husband as well?
    • Well yes. Love is essential to the woman’s duty as a Christian, we are all called to love our neighbor and even our enemy, but that is not what God commands in Ephesians 5 or in our text of 1 Peter 3.
    • Instead, there is a consistent emphasis in Scripture on a different virtue (duty), and that is to honor, reverence, and submit to her head. The woman’s chief duty in marriage is to honor, reverence, and submit to her husband.
• If we were to look back at Ephesians 5 and note the imperatives Paul gives, we would see that husbands are commanded to love, but wives are commanded to what?
  • ²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. ²⁴ Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing… ³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Eph. 5:22-23, 33)
  • So the consistent parallel both here and in our sermon text is that while husbands are commanded to love, wives are commanded to submit to and respect their husband.
• Now why this difference?
  • Whenever God tells a specific group of people to do a specific thing, it is for good reason and it’s usually because that group naturally struggles to do it (they need to be told and reminded!).
  • For example, in Ephesians 6, children are told to obey their parents. Of course, they are required to love and respect their mother and father, but the thing that they most need to be reminded of and commanded to do is to obey. That is their chief duty as children.
  • The same goes for the commands towards masters and servants. Servants are commanded to be obedient from the heart, “not with eyeservice as menpleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart” (Eph. 6:5-6). Likewise, masters are told to stop threatening and being harsh to their servants, knowing that they have a Master in heaven.
  • So whatever it is the God commands a specific class of people to do, be it husbands, wives, children, servants, or masters, it is a command given because it is both essential and we naturally struggle to do it.
    • It does not come naturally to love your wife sacrificially and put her needs above your own. It does not come naturally to children to obey their parents right away, all the way, with a cheerful attitude.
    • It’s hard for servants to not resent and envy their masters, and it’s hard for masters to not demean and look down upon their servants.
    • So we have to trust that Scripture is uniquely suited to correct our sinful tendencies, and for the woman who is a wife, her struggle is going to be to genuinely honor, respect, and submit to her husband. And that’s why Paul goes out of his way to command reverent submission as the chief duty of a wife.
• Now as soon you as tell wives to submit to their husbands in the Lord, the immediate response is for someone to say, but what about when my husband is being irresponsible, or abusive, or not loving me the way Christ loves the church. What then?
  • Well in cases of domestic violence and criminal acts, of course the woman should go to the police, tell the elders, seek justice and protection from harm. Scripture permits and even commends this in many cases (Ex. 21:10-11, 22-36). But even then, it must be done with a spirit of submission to the Lord and a desire to seek the good of the husband (even if that good is criminal punishment).
  • But setting those criminal cases aside, our sermon text gives us instructions that are specific to wives who have disobedient husbands.
    • This might be a marriage to an unbeliever, or to a husband who just doesn’t take his faith seriously and is not leading in the home. What do you do when your husband is not loving you the way Christ loves the church? That is what 1 Peter 3 is going to directly address.

Verse 1

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…

• Now anytime we see a word like Likewise or Therefore, we need to back up and see what the context is. What is the connection point?
• Well, if we look back at chapter 2, we see that this topic of submission arises in the context of Christians being persecuted. The whole letter of 1 Peter is written to the elect exiles scattered throughout the empire. And so Peter is giving instruction in how to relate to the unbelieving world, and he is especially concerned with the church’s witness and reputation, because whatever the church does reflects upon Christ.
• He says in 1 Peter 2:11-14, ^“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; ¹² Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
  • And then we are given the first group of people we are told to submit to.
• ¹³ Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme ¹⁴ Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.”
  • So this is the beginning of the Likewise that Peter is referring to when he tells wives to submit.
    • Christians are to submit to the civil magistrate.
    • A few verses later servants are to submit to their masters, “not only to the good and gentle, but also to the crooked.”
    • And then we are told “Likewise, wives submit to your own husbands.”
  • And the thread that ties all of these forms of submission together is the purpose for which we are to submit, and that is given in verse 12: so “that they may glorify God in the day of visitation.”
    • So that unbelievers would see how Christians relate to the government, see how servants relate to their masters, and see how wives relate to their husbands, and conclude that God is among you.
    • It takes faith to submit to ungodly men, it forces you to trust that God really is the one who is over all. And that is the testimony Peter wants for the church.
  • So a wife’s submission to her husband is a good work that God has prepared in advance for her to do, and when she does this, the world stands back and marvels. The wife shows the world what the church’s submission to Christ looks like.
• Now this Likewise connection to submitting to civil government, and servants submitting to masters, gives us some useful material for understanding the limits of submission and determining when it is appropriate to disobey your superior. Where is the line?
  • This is of course a huge topic and deserves its own sermon, but the short version is that Christians are to submit to the lawful commands of the government, and if we are ever commanded to sin we must disobey.
  • All authority comes from God. No human authority is absolute, and when an authority commands us to sin we must not comply.
    • An obvious example would be something like Ananias and Saphira. Your spouse wants you to lie or steal or cover up some crime, your duty is to disobey and tell the police where the body is.
  • But what about when a husband is not commanding you to sin, but is just being irresponsible, a bad unloving husband, making your life difficult. This is where Peter’s instructions are especially applicable.

Verse 1 continues…

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;² While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

• What is Peter saying here?
• He is saying that if you are a wife with a disobedient husband, your first and most potent weapon is to win him without a word, to win him by your submission, not by using his sin as an excuse for you to sin. And this is because a wife’s submission is ultimately in the Lord, and to the Lord. And the Lord is the one with the power to change things.
• And so submission to an ungodly husband is how a wife entrusts herself to the Lord. It is an act of faith. It is how she gives room for God to work, either to take vengeance and strike him down as God did to Nabal, or to soften his heart, and convert him, as Paul hopes for in 1 Cor 7:14, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.”
• If you are a woman with a disobedient husband, God says, submit to him, win him without a word.
• While many women think they can change their husband by arguing, by nagging, by yelling and the like, Peter says, a disobedient husband may be won without a word, when he beholds your chaste conversation.
• This is what godly submission looks like for a wife: chaste behavior, not being argumentative, seeking the good of your husband and household with all diligence.
• One of the best examples of what godly submission looks like to a wicked husband is the story of Nabal and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.
  • If you know the story, David’s men have been protecting Nabal’s land, David sends to Nabal for assistance, Nabal dishonors David, refuses to help him (rewards evil for good), and David is provoked to wrath. But righteous Abigail goes behind her husband’s back, she does not tell him what she is doing, and she prepares food and help for David’s men. And then she goes and begs David for mercy on her husband’s behalf. The godly wife intercedes for her wicked husband. That is a portrait of godly submission in a hard circumstance.
  • After David spares Nabal’s life, it says, “But it came to pass in the morning, when the wine was gone out of Nabal, and his wife had told him these things, that his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. ³⁸ And it came to pass about ten days after, that the Lord smote Nabal, that he died.”
  • So if your husband obeys not the word, God says, “do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19).
  • Abigail is a beautiful portrait of godly submission.
• It takes faith to trust God when your husband is disobedient, and the sinful tendency is to excuse your bad behavior by blaming your husband. To argue and fight instead of quietly submit. But this is what God commands of wives, and when you do this, Christ will judge. God will take vengeance in due time. Your job is to obey God no matter what you husband is doing.
• When a wife stands before the Lord on judgment day, it will not suffice to blame your husband for your sins. A bad husband is never an excuse for disobeying God. He may be responsible for you, but you are still guilty for your sin.
• In verses 3-4 we are given a picture of how women are to adorn themselves.

Verses 3-4

³ Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting (braiding) the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; ⁴ But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

• First, we should note that this is not forbidding the braiding of hair, or wearing jewelry as inherently sinful, and we know this because it includes the “putting on of apparel” (the wearing of clothes) in that list. And so if you were to say that braided hair and gold jewelry were sinful, you’d also have to say that wearing clothes is sinful to, which of course would violate the command for modesty.
• So what is it saying? This is a warning against vanity which women are prone to.
• And the point is that a meek and quiet spirit is far more important than clothes or jewelry or whatever you think you will make you look beautiful.A woman should spend far more energy on cultivating these virtues of submission than she does on her outward appearance. Otherwise, she becomes what Proverbs 11:22 warns about…
  • “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout, is a beautiful woman without discretion.” (Pr. 11:22)
  • Internal beauty and external appearance are meant to harmonize, but one is fleeting and one remains forever.
  • Scripture says that Abigail was, “of a beautiful countenance” (1 Sam. 25:3).
  • Scripture says that Esther was, “fair and beautiful” (Esther 2:7).
  • Scripture says that Sarah was “very beautiful” (Gen. 12:14).
  • These women had an objectively beautiful appearance, and yet listen to what verse 5 says…

Verses 5-6

⁵ For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: ⁶ Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

• The most beautiful women in the Bible are the women who adorned themselves with submission, with a meek and quiet spirit. They had an internal beauty that was reflected in their countenance.
• And that hidden adornment is precious in the eyes of God. It is a beauty that can be cultivated in every circumstance, in any time, at every age, and unlike hair and clothes, it is incorruptible.
• So wives, what are you doing to become more beautiful? Are you following the examples God has given in Scripture?
  • Do you trust God when he says submit? Do you honor your husband, even calling him lord as Sara did, for she knew that by submitting to her husband, she was submitting to the LORD, to God Almighty.
  • This is how the holy women of old adorned themselves.

The last thing we see in verse 6 is that a woman adorns herself when she is not afraid.

• Peter says, you are Sara’s daughter when “you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement (terror).”
  • Sarah had no biological daughters, but God promised that he would make her “a mother of nations, and kings of people shall be of her” (Gen. 17:16). And when Christian women follow in her footsteps, trust the Lord, submit to their husbands, and are not afraid, they are called daughters of Sarah.
  • Sarah was an heir together with Abraham of the promises of God. And likewise, every Christian husband and wife is an heir together of the grace of life. As we are told in verse 7…

Verse 7

⁷ Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

• Here we see that God protects the weaker vessel.
• The husband is commanded to dwell with the wife according to knowledge and give her honor.He is not to be harsh, or overbearing, or arbitrary in his authority, but rather attentive to her as he is to his own self.
• And when a husband abuses this authority, his prayers are hindered. Either he no longer prays and so God doesn’t hear, or he prays and God refuses to listen. In either case, God disciplines husbands who dishonor their wives, and sometimes he even strikes them dead as he did Nabal.
• This is why Peter says in verse 6 that a woman should be “unafraid and without terror.” Because God is watching. God sees everything. God sees whether there is vanity and bitterness in your heart, or a meek and gentle spirit. And what is done in secret shall be rewarded openly, so obey God in your marriage, in the hidden man of the heart.

Conclusion

When you became a Christian, you submitted yourself to the Lord. And the Lord Jesus never commands anything for His People that will not be good for them. And that includes wives submitting to your husband, even disobedient husbands.

• So will you trust that God knows best?
• Peter knows and anticipates that there will be suffering. That governments will persecute Christians, masters will abuse servants, and husbands will not love their wives, and he says a few verses later in chapter 3, that “it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, rather than for evil doing.”
• In other words, if you are going to suffer be a righteous sufferer, be like Jesus, who submitted Himself to the Father, submitted Himself to a wicked and corrupt government, submitted Himself to shame and abuse and death, even death on a cross, and by that submission won victory for all who trust in Him.
• And so wives, trust Him by submitting to your husband as unto the Lord.
• In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.